Hopefully I will never have to take another standardized test again!!!

So, I passed the GRE! YAY:)
Seriously- I think it was supernatural b/c I am so horrible at those tests and I did pretty darn good. It was so great to wake up this morning and have that burden off of my shoulders and now I can start applying to graduate school. I feel grown up.

My sister showed me this thing this weekend where you can see different parts of the world people are when they read your blog---I think that's wild. It's like I have a whole set of friends out there in the blogging world. It really would surprise me if many people actually read this thing, but thanks if you do----Sally, are you out there? My sweet imaginary friend.
Yes....what does that say about me??

So, I do want to share something of substance. Tonight I went to this Bible study on "Loving Well" & it was perfect timing b/c I have been just processing this whole concept of Love- what is love? What do I believe about love? What is truth when it comes to love? What are the lies about love that I believe? ect...
I feel like God has seriously been inundating me with lessons on love and just pictures of what LOVE IS NOT.

So, I love Grey's Anatomy---it's a fantastically entertaining and addicting show, and I am terribly saddened by the fact that they fired Dr. Burke. Anyways, on to my point.
I was watching the season finale this past season and there were many parts of the show that "got me", but there is this one part that really stuck with me. It's a dialog between Izzy and George---so, if you don't know. They are best friends, but George is married to Callie, but one night they got drunk and slept together and it's been chaos ever sense.
So- here' what Izzy says to George:

"I am an optimist. I am a fool. I am not sure. Because I'm your best friend, because I love you, if you want to be with Callie then I will do everything in my power to support you and help you make your marriage work. But, because I'm your best friend, because I love you, I also have to say....that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I can't promise a future. I can't promise perfection, because we're us, I'm me and you're you. No one knows what will happen. But, in my heart- I am sure. I'm in love with you George. And I hope you're in love with me too."

So, what do you think about this? I have been thinking on this and having discussions on this one simple quote---crazy, huh? Just as I listened to this---I thought--- "wow, I have been so deceived". Let me elaborate.
I just feel like----as much as I LOVE that show---after this conversation between George and Izzy, everything in my spirit just cried out ---"No! This is not love" and I just saw---wow, how much am I letting this kind of thinking get into my spirit and alter my thoughts on love and my expectations of what love is supposed to look like? I mean---yes---the love that Izzy is feeling is passionate and is alive or something, but it's all about how she feels....it's all about her. If she truly was "in love" with George...wouldn't she want for him to honor the commitment that he has made in a marriage---and wouldn't she be able to set aside her feelings and maybe, just maybe even suffer a little bit to stand for something that is right? I know I know, you are probably thinking- wow, she is getting really worked up over a nightly soap opera. And, I am. And, I recognize that this is TV and that not everyone (especially Hollywood) believes the same things that I believe. But, really it's not even about that....for me it was just like one of those light-bulb moments.
B/c I have been in a relationship where I think I had seriously self-centered motives for what I thought love was supposed to look like. What it was supposed to do for me!

It's like the lightbulb has just gone off and I am seeing just how deceived I have been and how my view of love has been tainted and held captive to what the world, the culture around me says love is supposed to be.
The thing is---I am not on Grey's anatomy, I am not in Hollywood and even more than that---I call my self a follower of Jesus....so, therefore, I am called to a higher form of love. I have been called to do something that on my own---I am literally incapable of doing & that is to love just because.
To love because God has loved me...it's a love that is not self-seeking, but it a love that points to someone greater- it points back to God...it is a love that paints a beautiful picture of who the Creator is....b/c He is Love. God is love.
This is a self-less love.
A love that loves, just because.

In the Bible study that I was at tonight, I read these questions posed by Beth Moore on God's behalf:
Read them, think about them, let them draw you back into the self-less love of our God:

• Do you realize that I came to meet with you?
• Do you have any idea how much I love you? How taken I am with you?
• Do you know that I have never forsaken you, nor will I reject you? I was there all along. I always will be.
• Do you realize that I knew everything about you the day your were conceived? I anticipated your life and planned for it
• You do have an enemy, My Child. But it is not Me. He wants you to think it is.
• I am for you.
• Do you think you need to prove yourself lovable to me? Deep down inside, are you trying to earn my love and attention?
• As you strive to love Me more, do you realize the key to loving me more is to let me love you more?
• Why are you resisting me? Why are you running from me?
• To whom have you compared me, and with whom have you confused me?
• I'm not like them.
• I know what's happened. I know what's on your mind.
• I alone know the plan for how this turns out well. I alone know how to prosper you through this.
• My eyes and my affections are on you right now.
• Quit trying to be so strong. Let Me be strong for you.
• I love you unashamedly. Even now My banner flies over you. Everyone in the heavenlies knows how I feel about you. I'd leave you red-faced over my love for you...if you'd let me.