Am I going down that road again?

So, about a year and half ago I was really struggling. I mean facing questions that I have never faced before, fears that I had never faced before and I fell into depression. It all started when I started to see a counselor and "unpack" my life.
Okay, so this is a place to be honest...so I am really going to be honest...
Anyways, I am a huge advocate for everyone getting counseling or psychotherapy or whatever you want to call it, but with it comes a really rough road. It's like I was digging up all this crap in my life and I just didn't even know what to do with it. I felt paralyzed. It got better and light came but not until I went into a really dark place. So, everyone around me like my family and close friends were like----what are we going to do with her? I remember one day my dad called me and he had spoken with a doctor friend who had "diagnosed" me over the phone----even though he didn't know what to do with me. I think my father just needed to have some sense of control over my struggles and he tried like hell to get it. That didn't work. Anyways, looking back I realize there was not "diagnosis"- I just was where I was.
Lately, I question whether that familiar place is coming full circle.
I am definitely a dreamer....a critic....and second-guess just about everything and everyone----so yet once again I find myself in a place of questioning. I'm thinking that perhaps I never really left that place- perhaps I was just distracted for a while.
so, I'm a christian or as they like to say nowadays- I'm a "christ-follower". I have asked Jesus to save me from my sins, to forgive me and come into my life and change me. Actually, I am asking him to do that over and over again, but the thing that I am facing right now is....
If there's a supernatural God and He truly has changed me then how come I don't feel changed? How come I feel stuck? How come it's so hard for me to have faith in Him? in His goodness?
How come I feel so alone? I know...I know....I sound ridiculously melodramatic- deal with it cause this is a place of honesty.
This is my problem...I know all the right answers. All my life I have been told that faith is not about how you feel...feelings change. Faith is about making a choice to believe in what you cannot see. Some days that is easier than others and lately it has been truly hard. Cause I really wanna feel that there is a supernatural God who has changed me...who loves me.
My friend introduced me to this new song that I cannot stop listening to and I admit that it probably just nurtures my melodrama, but I like it anyways. It's by Sara Groves and it seems to take me back to a year ago when I was in my funk and my family was like- "ah, what are we going to do with her?"
here's the lyrics-


Maybe There's A Loving God Lyrics
Artist(Band):Sara Groves

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I'm trying to work things out
I'm trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result
Of some great accident
I hear a rhythm call me
The echo of a grand design
I spend each night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky

I have another meeting today
With my new counselor
My mom will cry and say
I don't know what to do with her
She's so unresponsive
I just cannot break through
She spends all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon

They have a chart and a graph
Of my despondency
They want to chart a path
For self-recovery
And want to know what I'm thinking
What motivates my mood
To spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon

Maybe this was made for me
For lying on my back in the middle of a field
Maybe that's a selfish thought
Or maybe there's a loving God