Sunday

Man, I suck at Blogging! I don't know what happened?! I suppose working and taking 3 classes is what happened. I feel like I don't have time right now to process or think- which is totally not a good thing for my mental state.

Today, I am reading for anatomy and physiology about the respiratory system and then I have to work all night at STATUS. I'm really loving STATUS, which is surprising b/c i used to judge it and think it was just the trendy thing to be a part of. But, it's been a gift to me.

So much as been going on... God has been pursuing me and asking me to pursue him back. I hate how much I negect him. I hate how difficult it is for me to live in consistent intimacy with him.

You know another thing I hate?! How much I care about what other people think of me. I'd like to think I don't and most of the time I say that I don't, but I so do.
I was thinking this morning about how much mental energy I spend worrying about letting people down or disappointing people. These are people who I truly care about. And, I think it's important that their opinion matters to me, but yet....it shouldn't haunt me in the way that it does. It shouldn't stress me out and make me feel insecure. I hate that so much. B/c the reality is (just as my mom always told me)---I am going to let people down, that's just a fact of life. I want learn to appreciate the times when things get "MESSY" in relationships....I think I can see the benefit from growth that comes from it, but I want to learn to appreciate it in a way that I don't fear it so much.